What if Jurassic park was real?

One of the subreddits I follow on reddit.com is "NoStupidQuestions". Redditors post burning questions they've always wanted answered there without fear that someone will call them stupid.

Last night I spotted a question on that subreddits that got my brain going: "what would Jurassic Park really be like if we built it for real?"

Between the time I started working on a response and was done drafting it, the redditor had deleted his question. Boo!

So I might as well post my reply here in the hopes someone finds it insightful. Here goes: what would Jurassic Park really be like if we built it for real?


Hear me out, but the zookeepers in Jurassic Park kinda treated their dinos really poorly. Small cages, negative reinforcements (electricity), maladjusted diets (goats and cows instead of dino-diets), constant threats of lethal force...no wonder the dinosaurs escaped and went batshit insane eating people. They were starved, scared and abused!

If Jurassic Park actually became a thing IRL I bet the dinosaurs more or less leave humans alone if they ever escaped. Modern zoo keeping methods, deep investments in veterinary knowledge, advanced safety tech and just general good animal-keeping practices are MUCH more respectful than what you see in Jurassic Park.

So ignore the exploitative Jurassic Park example...lets talk about a much more realistic Jurassic Reserve run using modern techniques like today's nature reserves or zoos.

During their rearing, dinos at the Jurassic Reserve will have been fed and cared for by humans literally all their lives. Humans will be a part of their everyday existence.

They'll develop relationships with their keepers in much the same way a bird of prey might develop a relationship with a falconer. The dinosaurs and human keepers will learn each other's behavioral cues, motivations and feedback signals. They'll learn how to communicate with each other, basically.

There is still a very real possibility of human injuries and death at the Jurassic Reserve, but the professional dino keepers there will have established relationships with the dinosaurs and teach them that humans should be trusted, not hunted.

Barring over-active instincts, Dinos may actually walk right up to keepers and supplicate for food not knowing that we are ourselves are made out of meat and scared to death of them.

Jurassic Reserve zookeepers will actually do a lot of outreach with human visitors to teach them how to react to dinosaurs in the wild. Humans, after all, represent the biggest threat to nearly extinct species like a small herd of resurrected ancient dinosaurs.

"Freak outs, screaming, running, panic...ofcourse the dinosaurs are gonna chase you when you act like that. My dog chases me when I feign being afraid of her." They'll explain. "A healthy amount of fear that results in respect is a good thing. Acting like prey...not so much. Not around an animal with a mouth bigger than you at least."

When a Dino escapes it's habitat at Jurassic Reserve, it's located quickly (implanted homing beacons that trigger a sensor network) and rounded up by its keepers, calmed down, and returned to its pen where food and treats await. Later it's given a full vet exam to address any injuries it might have and a full report on the incident is filed for review by Reserve engineers. Then changes are made to prevent similar escapes in the future.

When it comes to conservation...especially a really really small herd of dinosaurs representing a HUGE financial investment in R&D and decades of effort by thousands of people...shocking them, shooting them, starving them and abusing them really isn't the way to go.

That being said, I'm personally quite happy that Jurassic Park and Jurassic Reserve are firmly in the realm of science fiction for now. I have enough things to worry about as it is and I really don't want to add dinosaurs to that list.

...and before you ask, no, I don't work with animals for a living, nor am I a PETA member. I do have a dog, though. A chihuahua. And she's a member of the family, not a pet.

Proof nerds are awesome

So this is a player piano (and robotic percussion) which plays the music and sound effects produced by a nintendo in real time as the user plays the game.

...kind of brilliant ;-)

The face my sister makes when...

...when you jokingly tell her that her homemade spaghetti sauce tastes "almost as good as ragu from a can"